Love's Desire
by DCisforlovers
Summary: William Shakespeare said, "The course of true love never did run smooth." ***Lifeline Story*** Make sure to read the author's note. R & R, please.
1. Chapter 1

**Love's Desire**

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing…..**

**Author's Note:**** I am going to ask for a little imagination in this story. In the midst of it, there will be a break in my story where the scenes from the Admiral's porch would fill-in. I am making the assumption that everyone has seen it, which could be a dangerous assumption. If it seems insane and confusing, let me know. I will see what I can do.**

**Summary:**** This is my take on the 'Lifeline' story. Hope you like it! Constructive criticism is very welcomed.**

_**William Shakespeare said, "The course of true love never did run smooth."**_

**Love's Desire**

**As Harm drove down the familiar path to the Admiral's home, he was completely lost in thought. He could not believe he was on the way to her engagement party. To think, he would be joining in the celebration of her marriage to that loathsome Aussie; it made him sick to his stomach. How in the world did they let it get this far? Admittedly, he was partly to blame for her snap decision, and he had finally come to terms with that. If only he could turn back time to that ferry. He has always, always loved her, but he knew that neither of them was ready to go the distance back then. Attempting a relationship would have only left both of them in heartbreak, but ironically, it seems he has found that same result. Doing what is right is much harder than it should have been. Her happiness was the most important thing in his life, but why the hell did it have to hurt so much? If this is what she wanted, he would learn to live, and love, from afar. He pulled into the driveway half an hour early and decided to just keep to himself for a while. At this point, he was more than ready to take her in his arms, but moving on seemed like the only option. **

**He eventually made his way into the party, and sat in the corner waiting for Renee to arrive. After a while, he made his way outside………..and Mac followed him. **

**(This is where that imagination kicks in. All of the porch scenes apply. My story picks up after they break their kiss. Sorry if it is confusing.)**

**When they pulled away from each other, shock was written across both of their faces, and both were trying to catch their breath. **

"**Harm…" She looked straight into his eyes, and she could clearly see the pain that was tugging at his heart. He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. **

"**I won't apologize for it. I…I could," he stopped himself. **

"**You could what?"**

**What was the use of telling her how he felt now? The anger was rising from deep within her, and she pressed him for answers, "You can't do that to me Harm! You can't just kiss me, and then not let me know what you're thinking. I am about to get married!" **

**Hearing her talk about the impending marriage was more than he could take. He turned and walked towards his SUV.**

**To his surprise, she ran after him, "Harm? Stop. Please talk to me."**

**The emotions were raging inside of him. Reaching his car, he turned to face her, "If I could have one thing in this world, do you know what I would ask for?"**

**She looked up at him with intrigue and more tears in her eyes. **

**He continued, "I'd ask for you, because just having you would be enough for me." She reached to touch his face, but he caught her hand in his. "Don't you understand? I don't want you to marry him, but I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me."**

**Her heart pounded harder with every word he spoke. Before she could think, she captured his lips with hers once more and prayed that he would feel the love she felt for him. He spun her around against the car, taking control over their moment of passion. They delved into a world that neither of them had ever experienced. The sheer longing was evident, but fate could not have picked a more inopportune time. **

**When they broke free, words seemed to fail both of them, but she finally ended the silence, "What am I suppose to do?" **

**All he could do was look at her; he honestly didn't know what to say.**

"**Mac, I can't answer that for you."**

"**Harm, I just want to feel loved and wanted. Being happy has never been a realistic option for me. I'm not looking for happy, I'm looking for safe, for a family." The sadness of that expression hit him with full force. **

"**You deserve to be happy. Whether you marry him or not, you will always deserve to be happy. Never doubt that, Mac." **

**He had never realized how much she truly believed that she was unworthy of true happiness. He wiped away her tears and looked directly into her eyes, "Mac, I want to give you the life you deserve, but I can't ask you to give up that safety. If that is what you want, then so be it. I won't stop you." She buried her head in his shoulder; she had never known anyone to be so selfless. **

**He drew her close to him and whispered, "I love you, Mac." **

**Then he got in his car, and he drove away.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Love's Desire**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own anything!**

**Author's note: ****Here is chapter two. I hope you like it…**

"**Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."**

**--Unknown**

**Love's Desire**

**She watched thru tear-filled eyes as his headlights faded into the black of the night. He loved her, but there were no angels sing hallelujah choruses and time did not stop dead in its tracks as she thought it would. The one declaration she had waited so long for brought despair rather than the joy it should have evoked. This was one of those moments when screaming into the night seemed like the best, and only, way to ease the pain, but what about the guests? What about Brumby? He loved her so, but she could not imagine loving anyone the way she loved Harm. Why does life play these tricks? She dried her eyes as best she could and turned to walk back towards the house, but she was startled by Mic's presence. **

**Self-consciously wiping away more tears she tried to distract him from her current state, "Mic? What…um….what are doing out here?"**

"**Well, love guess I could ask you the same thing. It's pretty chilly out here."**

**That moment was when she realized Harm's jacket was still around her. She immediately took it off, but the damage had been done.**

"**Sarah, what is it about him? This is our party to celebrate the beginning of our life together. You do remember that we're engaged? Don't you?"**

**Her blood began to boil, but she kept her voice down, "Mic stop."**

**She started to walk off, but he caught her by the arm. "Why are you trying so hard to throw everything away? If he loved you, don't you think he would have told you by now?"**

"**This is not about him. It's about me, Mic. With or without him in the picture, I am not sure that marrying you will make me happy, and I….I deserve to be happy."**

"**Well, I guess that's one thing we agree on, but what makes you so sure I can't make you happy? You've never given me the chance to. You always turn to him, in the good times and the bad." He took her in his arms, and he felt he tense up at his touch. "Sarah, just let me love you. He is no good, love. I will always be here to love and care for you."**

**She freed herself from his increasingly tight grip. She could see the anger in his eyes, but she refused to give up. "Mic, I don't want to be 'cared for!' I want to be respected and loved for who I am, not what you want me to be. I will never be that typical girl that goes along with your every whim. I want to feel the passion and the fireworks. I want to feel……"**

"**Feel what? The way he makes you feel?"**

**She couldn't look at him, much less answer his question. Mac knew that no one would ever make her feel that way but Harm. What ever possessed her to ever believe otherwise?**

"**Sarah?" His voice was filled with tenderness now. "I love you."**

"**Why do you want to be with me? You are practically trying to convince me to marry you. Is that the kind of life you want?" She knew her words were cutting him to the core, but she didn't care anymore. Even if there was no Harm, marrying Mic was not the answer. "I'm so sorry, Mic, but I don't think that either of us will ever be happy if we go through with this. I can't marry you." She walked back up to the house and could here him chasing after her. **

"**You can't do this to me. I won't let you." He grabbed her again, this time even harder. "I have lost a lot to that son of a bitch. I won't lose you too!"**

**The admiral came out onto the porch to see what all of the commotion was, and before he could think, he snatched Brumby away from Mac.**

"**What the hell do you think you are doing, Brumby? Couldn't you see you were hurting her?"**

**Brumby stood, but said nothing. He walked down the stairs and towards his car. By tomorrow morning, he would be on a plane back to Australia.**

**The Admiral looked at Mac with sorrow in his eyes. "Mac, are you okay?"**

"**Yes sir. I'm fine. Thanks, but I could've taken care of myself."**

"**I know that, Marine. Where's Harm at?"**

"**He left."**

"**Well that's probably a good thing. He would've killed Bugme."**

**She laughed at the Admiral's use of that nickname. **

"**Mac, what happened?"**

"**Harm. That's what."**

"**Oh….what...I mean, I know it's none of my business…"**

**She cut him off, "It's okay. Everyone will find out eventually." She really just wanted to run and hide, but she owed everyone an explanation. **

"**Sir, have you ever felt like you were living someone else's life? I was beginning to feel like everything was falling into place, and now I find out that I didn't have it together at all. In fact, I have been lying to myself for years."**

"**You know," he sounded so much like the father she always wished she had, "sometimes you just have to sum it up to fate. Besides, I don't think you regret this. Do you?"**

"**I just feel like I have no control."**

"**Yeah, falling in love will do that to you," he said smiling at her. "Sometimes you just have to let go. Go with what feels natural to you. You're smart, you will figure it out."**

"**Thank you, sir. I didn't know you were so insightful."**

"**Well, don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold," he said patting her on the back. He started back into the house when he turned and said, "I have always thought you two were meant for one another. It won't be easy, but you are a Marine, you can handle it."**

**She was once again alone on the porch. After all that has happened, she should have been thinking of Brumby and what to do next, but all she wanted was to feel Harm's arms around her. **


	3. Chapter 3

Love's Desire

Author's Note: Thank all of you for the reviews. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, literally!

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."  
Aristotle

Love's Desire

Since Harm stepped foot in his apartment, he had sat in darkness. Love shouldn't be this hard. The peaceful demeanor within those walls certainly did not match the way he felt. His mind replayed the events continually. That kiss…..instead of bringing closure as it was meant to, it had ignited a storm of emotion. He knew that his thoughts should have stayed hidden, but the look in her eyes drew the words from deep inside his heart. There was no denying that he loved her, but loving her and having her to himself were totally different things. She would marry that ass, and they would live happily ever after. He couldn't allow himself to think otherwise, although hope was a constant burden entwined in his thoughts. The 'what if' factor kept overpowering the dismay. He had not given her time to respond to his declaration, but something told him she felt the same way. The problem was: he was not the safe option. They fought, talked in circles, and very rarely were able to express their true feelings to each other. Hell, it had taken him years to tell her he loved her—which he had known for a very long time. He was beginning to understand why she had run to Bugme. Early on in their relationship, he had known that there would never be another like her. She was unlike anyone he had ever known. Mac was his best friend, and the only person he sincerely trusted. Those expressive brown eyes and …that smile…. It entranced him with every glance her way. The way she argued so passionately, about EVERYTHING. She would fight to the death for something she believed in, and he loved that about her. Even the things that made him furious with her—like the way she shuts him out when she is hurting—only made him love her more because it was a vulnerability that only he saw in her. When she hurts, he hurts. When she is happy, he is happy. It is as if they are somehow connected—as if their hearts were one. They were one. Why couldn't he have told her that the moment he had figured it out? Why didn't he just let go on that ferry?

There was a knock at the door. He rushed to open it, but it wasn't Mac.

"Hey, sailor," Renee said in an unusually sad tone.

"Renee. Oh, I am so sorry. I forgot the tell you…" In all of the commotion, he had forgotten all about Renee.

"No need to explain. You were gone, and Brumby stormed off. Give me some credit. It's not that hard to figure out, Harm."

"Renee? What do you mean he 'stormed off?'"

"Uhh…..Damn you! Yeah, he left her, so she is free for you to have now. I came on over so it would be easier for you to break up with me. I would hate for you to have to do it over the phone."

"Please calm down. Come and sit." He led her to the couch and tried to muster the strength to retell the entire story.

"Renee, falling in love is one of those things you just don't have control over. She and I have tried to go our separate ways, but it just never works. I am so, so sorry you got caught in the middle. I never meant for this to happen to you."

"What is it about her that makes you look at her the way you do?"

He answered before he thought, "Everything about her."

"Well, I guess I just have to believe you two are meant for each other. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but maybe it is for the greater good. Keeping people apart that are destined to be together would definitely bring bad karma."

He laughed at her last expression. "Renee, I care about you a great deal, but…"

"But, I am not her. It's okay. I hope one day I understand what you feel for her. Maybe one day a guy will see me the way you see her."

"He will be a lucky man."

"Yeah, he will. You missed out." She smiled at him.

"Goodbye, Harm. I wish you the best." The door closed behind her.

She seemed to understand, so how could he make Mac understand the way he felt?


	4. Chapter 4

Love's Desire

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews. I hope you like what I have written.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, literally.

"Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love.

But the greatest of these is love."

**1 Corinthians 13:13**

Love's Desire

Mac drove away from the Admiral's house, but she only made it to the end of the driveway before tears overcame her ability to see. She mourned the loss of the life that was within her reach. Granted, it may have been settling for less than she deserved, but it was more than she had ever been offered. He would have been good to her, no doubt, but was that enough? Would she still long to be with Harm? Would she still dream of him, and wish he was there to talk to? The downfall of Mic and Mac's relationship had started very, very early on. He knew of Harm's relationship with Mac, but he was certain he could overcome it. He was wrong. They fought very little, but when they did, it was about Harm. Mic didn't understand why she needed him. Needed him. That was a sentiment she was not proud of, but it was very true. She did need him. Harm made her feel as if everything would be okay. He gave her hope. Still sitting at the end of the driveway, she made a decision. Mac needed to get away, but there were a few things to take care of first. After the escapade that Admiral witnessed, she knew it would not be a problem with him, but Harm would be a different case. She gathered herself as best she could and drove down a familiar lane, pulling up to a familiar building. He saw her out the window and ran down to meet her.

"I knew you would come."

"Mic, I am not here to make amends, but I couldn't leave things as they were."

"I am sorry if I hurt you. I was overwhelmed, and you know I wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world." He reached to pull her into an embrace, but she quickly dodged his attempt.

"I know Mic. Can we go upstairs and talk?"

"Sure."

As they made their way upstairs, she started to rethink coming here, but this was something she needed to do.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you."

Looking Mic in the eye, she jumped right into what she came here to say, "I love him. I have always loved him. I tried to feel for you the way I feel for him, but I can't. I have always laughed at people who believe in fate and true love, but ironically, I am a victim to both. I don't know what life has in store, but I can't see life without him."

He listened intently, but said nothing. He respected her for wanting to make things right and for having the courage to say what she was feeling. "I don't know what to say, Sarah."

"You don't have to say anything. I just didn't want you to think that this was something I jumped into, or that I never cared for you at all. I did Mic, very much so, but….."

"But, I'm not him."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Sarah, I will always love you. I want you to be happy, but I think you are making a terrible mistake."

She made her way to the door, never looking back or regretting what had just conspired.


	5. Chapter 5

Love's Desire

Disclaimer: I own nothing…

Thou art to me a delicious torment.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love's Desire

After recovering from her first stop, Mac took time to collect herself before going to see Harm. This was not going to be an easy occasion. For every inch of her that wanted him, there was an equal share that was scared to death. They would be risking everything to fall in love all over again. She stepped out of the car, and slowly made her way to his door. With each step, her heart pounded harder and harder until she thought it might beat right out of her chest. She raised her hand and knocked on his door.

He opened the door, and without one word being uttered, they took each other in their arms and held on for dear life. Her tears began once again, but he was now there to wipe them away. He caught the tears as they fell and traced her cheek until he reached her lips. Tilting her head, he kissed her so tenderly that she thought she might melt where she stood.

"I was so scared I had lost you for good."

"I meant what I said about never losing me, Harm."

He led her into his apartment, and they sat on the couch together. It was an act they had done many times before, but this time they were hand in hand. She locked her eyes with his, and she knew that everything was finally as it was meant to be. They still had so much farther to go, but they were on the right track—finally.

"Mac…."

"Harm, can I start?"

"Sure," he said while once again tucking that same loose strand of hair behind her ear.

She closed her eyes for a moment, "Harm, I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you, and there is nothing that will change that."

A smile as wide as Texas came across his face, and hers.

She continued, "I love you so much, but we have so much to learn before we can make this work. Love is not enough; I think we both know that."

"But, it is something. It's a good place to start."

"Yes, it is," she said staring at their hands.

"Hey…" she looked up, "I love you, too."

She couldn't take it anymore; she had to kiss him again. She had silently promised herself to take it slow and not get wrapped up in emotion, but this man was her everything. They collided in a fit of ecstasy. He ran his hands over her body, and she delighted in his touch. He kissed her as if his very life depended upon it and simply ached for more of her. Mac could feel the love radiating through every touch and every kiss. When they finally broke free of the spell and before things went too far, all they could do was smile. They were seeing each other in a completely different light and were wondering what had taken them so long. This seemed so perfect, in its own crazy way.

"Harm, we have so much to talk about."

"I know, but I have been thinking about that. And, I have something I want to tell you." He paused to gather his thoughts, "Mac—as corny as it sounds—you really do complete me. I couldn't possibly see my life without you in it. I think we are meant to be together, and I am sorry that it has taken me this long to admit that. I love you, and I don't want to spend another moment of my life doing otherwise. It's like you and I are somehow connected, like our hearts are one, or something." He started to fumble with his words. "Well…I mean…It's just that…"

"Harm, I know. You don't have to tell me. I know."

"Okay, good."

"It's just that I don't understand what made you change your mind. How did we go from that ferry to where we were on the Admiral's porch?"

"I guess seeing you in another man's arms made me grow up," he said causing both of them to laugh, "but, I think that was your plan all along."

She tried to stifle the smile that was emerging, "At first it was, but then, I got to thinking that maybe there wasn't any hope. That is exactly what I believed until…well, until tonight."

"I should have told you how I felt, I'm sorry."

"It's useless living in regret. We ended right where we are meant to be."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, more than anything."

"Then why are you going to tell me that you can't stay?"

"Harm…"

"You need time."

She shook her head in agreement. "I've got to figure everything out. I can't even begin to explain it because it sounds crazy even to me, but it is something I have got to do. I will come back to you though, and when I do, it will be for good."

"Always?"

"Always, always."

"Then go. If this is what you need, do it. I'll wait, and I promise not to get engaged while I am supposed to be waiting." She playfully hit him at his sly remark.

"Not funny, flyboy."

The conversation took a more serious turn, "Harm, I want you to know that all of this scares the hell out of me. I couldn't deal with losing you."

"You won't have to. I am always going to be here. You are the best friend that I just so happen to have fallen in love with. There is no getting rid of me, Ninja girl. Besides, I am scared to."

"You are?"

"Mac, it is so different with you. I have always known that I wouldn't just date you; I would marry you, raise a family with you, and grow old with you. This is the big leagues, so to speak."

She was fighting the tears of joy after his admission. To think, a man she was so in love with that she could barely think straight wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He pulled her close to him, and they lay back together on the couch, her head resting on his chest. This was the most comfortable either of them had ever felt. She had finally found that safety by knowing that he loved her with all of his heart. There were no more doubts, no more confusion. She was right where she belonged, in his arms. They fell asleep together, all the while whispering words of adoration and finding contentment in one another. At dawn, he felt her pull away from his arms.

As she walked towards the door, he told her one last time, "Sarah Mackenzie, I love you."

She walked back over to him and placed a lingering kiss on his lips, "I love you, too. And, I will come back to you."


	6. Chapter 6

Love's Desire

Author's Note: Thanks to all who reviewed. Your opinions are really, really helpful. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Love's Desire

She drove along the highway with the windows rolled down and the music blaring. She kept trying to think of things to distract herself from the absence of the one she loved. At first, she wasn't quite sure where she was headed, but an idea quickly implanted itself in her mind. When she was a little girl, Mac and her mother sought refuge from her father's drinking at a local church. She vividly remembered a charming woman named Rose that helped her through the especially hard times. Rose had even offered to allow Mac to live with her after her mom left, but as a teenager, Mac was looking for everything except rules—and she knew Rose would make her behave. These days, Rose ran the establishment, and she called it "Heaven's Door." Those at "Heaven's Door" worked to help families in crisis. It specialized in battered women and children. Mac seemed to be drawn to it now. It has always been said that helping those around you will make you forget your own troubles and in fact, make them seem minute in comparison. Selfishly, she knew this experience would benefit her even more than the others involved. Mac decided to give her a call.

"Rose?"

"She's speaking darlin'. What can I do for you," she said in that endearing southern drawl she was famous for.

"I am Col. Sarah Mackenzie. I knew you when I was younger, and…"

Rose quickly jumped in, "Sarah? Little Sarah? Well, heavens. How in the world are you?"

Mac couldn't help but laugh. Rose had not changed a bit; she was still sweet, still loud, and still a Virginian to the core. She personified what a sweet, southern lady should be.

"I'm doing really well. I was wondering…"

"Child, you joined the Army?"

"Well, the Marines. I'm a JAG lawyer."

"Well, bless your heart. I always knew you would make something of yourself."

That was the thing that Mac loved about Rose. She always believed in her, and when she was a child, that was in short supply.

"I was in the neighborhood, and I was wondering if I could stop by for a while and help out?"

"Are you kidding? I would be thrilled to pieces. Do you have somewhere to stay yet? Well, never mind. You don't have a choice. You are staying with me."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to be any trouble."

"Trouble? Sarah, you are practically family. You come on by the house and eat breakfast with me."

"Well, I won't be there for another few hours, but I will stop by as soon as I get there."

"I'm lookin' forward to it."

"Okay, see you then."

"Bye, Bye now."

Talking to Rose could sometimes be exhausting, but it was well worth it. Rose was one of the smartest and most giving individuals Mac had ever known. She knew no end in what she would to help people. Maybe this was exactly what she needed.

Rose had always understood Mac perfectly. She lived through similar circumstances as a child. She grew up in a privileged household, but her life was anything but. Both her parents drank excessively, and she was the one who suffered in the end. They never lay a hand on her, but the emotional damage gave her a reason to seek out those who endured the same fate as she. Once Rose graduated high school, she attended the University of Virginia and majored in Education. She taught school for years. Her husband, Kent, was a really good friend of Mac's Uncle Matt while they served together. Kent died two years ago after battling cancer. They had a son and a daughter, Grant and Elisa, who both worship the ground their mother walks on. Rose was one of those people that it was hard not to love. Her spirit was infectious, and she never asked for anything in return.

Her cell phone buzzed with a text message and interrupted her recollection.

Harm:

_I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I miss you._

Mac:

_I am okay, but I miss you, too. I am in Virginia. Going to see an old friend._

Harm:

_Be careful. I am here when you need me. I love you._

Mac:

_And I love you._

She never knew she would miss him this much, and he was making it even harder. Mac knew that taking this trip was something she had to do and that it was hard on him. She was beginning to realize how much he really had grown up by well he was handling all of this. Harm had always been a child at heart, especially when it came to commitment. But, this new and improved Harm impressed her. He was being open, honest, sensitive, and not being jealous in the least bit. Admittedly, it had only been one day, so she wouldn't get too excited just yet. He was just making her love him more even though they were miles apart.


End file.
